Confessions of A Fat Girl

My Mom tells me that when I was younger I would never eat. I remember saying comments like "Mommy I am full ! I had water". She tells me that I was a sick child and at one point she thought I was going to die from the parasite or from malnutrition. Nevertheless, God had other plans for me and I am here by his grace. 

Me and my Mommy <3 !

Now I am overweight (obese). Although people who love me seem not to see it. I used to hate the comments I would get from people who where shocked that a big girl can wear a tight fitting dress shamelessly.

Me and My good Friend Last year 

"Wow you are so bold, I could never wear that dress and look beautiful." I am not sure if that was just my hidden insecurities that made me feel some kind of way about comments like that. I love my true unAmericanized Africans, they have no fear in telling you whats on their mind without thinking about how you will take it ( I hope you sense the sarcasm). "How come your sister is skinny and you are fat?".  "Shamesa ( My Somalian friend pronounced my name the Arab way), you are a beautiful girl BUT you would be gorgeous if you lost weight."  "The way you carry yourself and your body is amazing". 

Food this year has become an enemy in some respects. Before I started realizing that I was fat ( I know right) I eat when I was hungry and did not put much thought into my food. As long as there was carbs, meat and veggies I was straight (good). This year sprung a different kind of anxiety within me. A  feeling of losing a battle I did not know I was fighting. The worst thing is being in a degree program that statistically taught me I have been set up for failure due to my blackness. For all my science health students remember this; If you are black ,  Aboriginal and South Asian, all heart conditions, any physiological condition excluding those related to mental health we are predisposed to. Regardless of statistics, having to count calories and watch the scale constantly has become tiring. I am tiered of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I am exhausted of looking at my naked body and not seeing God anymore. God blessed us with this vessel for Him to dwell inside of us not for this vessel to be a source of anxiety. 

What does God think about my insecurities ? God says we are fearly and wonderfully made and his works are marvellous! ( Psmal 139:14). Not only that, but he created me in His image (Genesis 1:27). God wants us to strive for good bodily health, mental and spiritual health. He wants us to flourish in all areas of our life. He is in the business of Character Building not house sitting. He has called us for a purpose and a destiny and it requires us to give our all. John in 3 John 1:2 'prays that all may go well with us and that we may be in good health, as it goes well with our souls'. Disease is not my portion. Heart conditions is not my portion. I am no longer linked to the blood line of my ancestor but I linked to the blood line of Christ. 

The devil is Liar yall! And we need to recognize when the enemy wants to come against our destiny. When God shows you an area of improvement, for me it has been committing 110% in my school, health and most importantly my walk with him, the devil can use that as a way to shame you. This leads to condemnation which can only lead to our down fall. Roman 8:1- 5 says There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Holy Spirit corrects in love ladies. We need to guard our hearts and love who we are and understand that God is taking us to our promise. God wants us to be accountable, He wont give us the easy way out. He is not an easy diet pill or in other cases He does not give you a quick fix. 

Ladies we will not put up balloons and bring out the cheese and crackers to have a self pity party. Confidently love yourself through God. There is no way I can love myself without seeing myself in Gods eyes. This is a process and we are getting there. I miss Loving myself completely and I dont want my other sisters(yall) to go through such insignificance because you are significant. Remember Ladies as a men thinkth so is he. So if we want to change our circumstance we have to change our thinking. Out of the heart flows the issues of life. If you cant imagine yourself better you can't have a better future. The battle is in our mind. The devil only needs a foothold so he can control the rest of our circumstances. Lets up root all seeds that are not of God and think the way God thinks through the renewing of our mind. Once get power over our minds and every area including health will follow in alignment. And remember 'Although we may fall seven times seven we will rise again' (Micah 7:8, Proverbs 24:16)

Me and Sarah B! 

Love you dearly!

-Shamiso Asheliegh Muzorewa <3